Headache

I have had a headache for several days. I have suffered from headaches for over a decade now. I live a lifestyle with very few of the normal headache triggers. I don't drink or smoke. I exercise regularly. I eat a clean diet and avoid sugar and foods with preservatives. I sleep well. 

So what is the matter with me? I have Googled "headaches" an embarrassing amount of times. I have freak myself out over the possibilities of what "could be" wrong me. Self diagnosis and Dr. Google really are the thieves of my joy and the ultimate way to allow myself to spiral into a web of fear.

I just want my headaches to go away. 

I have marked my calendar for three days from now as the day to reevaluate where I am with my headaches. If I am still feeling poorly on Wednesday I will call my doctor and start the process of getting to the root of my issue. It could be nothing. It could be something. I just don't know. However, continuing to obsess over it or continuing to do nothing about it cannot be an option. Why live in fear or in the unknown. I appear to have zero control over my headaches so there is nothing more I can do on my own. 

Why is facing reality so hard and scary? In this case it causes me to think of my mortality. My chronic headaches cause me to fear that something serious could be wrong. Something that could change my lifestyle or worse yet could take me away from loved ones permanently.

For me, in an effort to conquer this fear, I keep trying to recenter my thoughts based on my foundation of faith. Faith that God loves me and that God cares for me and that God has a plan for me. However, my struggle with faith is challenged at times like this when I fear that God's plan and my plan may not be in unison. 

Quite simply I don't want to die. I don't want to leave my family early. I still have plans for my life. I have unfulfilled dreams. I don't want these headaches to be anything serious. I want them to go away.  I don't want to feel crummy and I don't want to obsess over them any longer.

So today I quit thinking about the headaches as much as possible. I give them over to God and I will make a game plan for feeling better come Wednesday if I have not experienced any relief. 

And that is all. That is all I can do. 

That is all I can do.