Depression

It't the Tuesday after Memorial Day which means it is Tuesday but it feels like a Monday.

I am fighting a wave of depression right now.

I refuse to let it take me under.

While some people felt depressed when the state of Texas was in quarantine mode, I thrived.

And now, as the state is reopening, a lot of people are rejoicing and I am sinking.

As my community takes steps to getting back to normal, I am trying to move forward at a slow pace. I am trying to obey suggestions for continued safety and health. However, there are a lot of people who don't agree with my way of thinking and it causes concern, fear and anger in me. All three of those feelings are feelings that I don't like to feel.

It's a really hard position to be in right now for someone who wants to tread lightly right now in relation to social distancing. It's a hard time to be parent as Ella wants to go and be and do what her peers are doing and I am just not there yet.

The reopening of the country despite the virus not being under control is so scary. It has to happen, I know. I get it. I just do not want to get sick and I don't want my loved ones to get sick. If we were to get sick we might be ok, we might have a very slight case of covid-19 and it might be a non-issue. But, we might not have an easy go of it. One of us might not handle it well and that terrifies me.

I know that God is in control and I find comfort in that. And as awkward as it may be for me and my family, I am going to try and not rush this season. I am going to try and not fast forward my circumstances. I am going to lean into God and let Him lead my way.

I am going to try and do everything I can to ride out this wave of depression that I feel I am on right now. I want to surf the wave not feel like I being taken under by it. I know how to do that! I know it involves all the healthy things. Exercise, diet, rest and filling my brain with good stuff and God! Lots of God!

I won't be taken down by the pandemic! I have my plan and I aim to execute it on this Tuesday that feels like a Monday!

Silver lining for the day: Why are leftovers for dinner such a silver lining for me these days? I used to not be a fan of leftovers but nowadays if I don't have to cook it is a win! Leftover cheeseburgers for dinner! Yay!


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