In Search Of Joy And Gratitude
This Friday finds me feeling a bit beaten down. I need to dig deep for some joy and gratitude.
Why am I feeling beaten down?
I don't work outside of the house, my family is safe and well. All of my needs are being met.
Or are they?
I mentioned in an earlier post that when life goes back to it's new normal and my people aren't with me 24/7 it is going to feel strange and a bit uneasy. I still stand by that and am trying to remember it as I fight underlying feelings of being slightly agitated by the constant close proximity we are all sharing in this house. It is just so much togetherness.
I have also mentioned that I am an introvert so not having to see or be with people on the outside has been relatively ok for me. Or am I missing it? Can that be?
I think it all might be taking a slight toll on me although I can't quite put my finger on the feeling so I tend to think that it's all in my head and I tell myself that I am just fine. It's all fine. I'm fine. I've got nothing to feel weird about. Get over it. Move on. Get over yourself.
In exchange for my pre-covid-19 daily responsibilities I now have Shelter-in-Place responsibilities. They feel overwhelming to me right now. Even though they aren't.
I continue to feel expectations from others both in and out of my home however the expectations feel met with resistance and (unfairly and unreasonably) resentment.
I am tired of my face void of makeup. I am growing tired of my loungewear. Yet, I feel no desire to wear jeans or a made up face in the house.
I think we are nearing a slow end to the seriousness and drastic life style changes we have taken during the pandemic. Slowly it will be time to move towards a new normal. I feel agitated about that too.
I just want to know. I want to get on with it. I want to get though the uneasy re-entry parts of this whole ordeal.
Sounds like I just want some control. I have controlled the situation as much as possible in my own home and now I want to know how I am going to control life on the outside.
I am rambling. I believe these feelings will pass. I suppose that even an introvert can experience cabin fever. I have been thinking that my twice a day walks were helping to keep me connected to the outside world but maybe not?
Today I have a neighbor to visit from six feet apart and a phone call to make. Maybe I will write a few notes to friends. Maybe in addition to changing bed sheets and cooking meals I'll try to do those activities with joy and gratitude in that I am able to do those things!
Silver lining for the day: I have maintained my pre-coronavirus weight despite nightly desserts!
Why am I feeling beaten down?
I don't work outside of the house, my family is safe and well. All of my needs are being met.
Or are they?
I mentioned in an earlier post that when life goes back to it's new normal and my people aren't with me 24/7 it is going to feel strange and a bit uneasy. I still stand by that and am trying to remember it as I fight underlying feelings of being slightly agitated by the constant close proximity we are all sharing in this house. It is just so much togetherness.
I have also mentioned that I am an introvert so not having to see or be with people on the outside has been relatively ok for me. Or am I missing it? Can that be?
I think it all might be taking a slight toll on me although I can't quite put my finger on the feeling so I tend to think that it's all in my head and I tell myself that I am just fine. It's all fine. I'm fine. I've got nothing to feel weird about. Get over it. Move on. Get over yourself.
In exchange for my pre-covid-19 daily responsibilities I now have Shelter-in-Place responsibilities. They feel overwhelming to me right now. Even though they aren't.
I continue to feel expectations from others both in and out of my home however the expectations feel met with resistance and (unfairly and unreasonably) resentment.
I am tired of my face void of makeup. I am growing tired of my loungewear. Yet, I feel no desire to wear jeans or a made up face in the house.
I think we are nearing a slow end to the seriousness and drastic life style changes we have taken during the pandemic. Slowly it will be time to move towards a new normal. I feel agitated about that too.
I just want to know. I want to get on with it. I want to get though the uneasy re-entry parts of this whole ordeal.
Sounds like I just want some control. I have controlled the situation as much as possible in my own home and now I want to know how I am going to control life on the outside.
I am rambling. I believe these feelings will pass. I suppose that even an introvert can experience cabin fever. I have been thinking that my twice a day walks were helping to keep me connected to the outside world but maybe not?
Today I have a neighbor to visit from six feet apart and a phone call to make. Maybe I will write a few notes to friends. Maybe in addition to changing bed sheets and cooking meals I'll try to do those activities with joy and gratitude in that I am able to do those things!
Silver lining for the day: I have maintained my pre-coronavirus weight despite nightly desserts!
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